Perception emerges as a result of our experiences and learning, a sort of fictional movie of our life, which is more commonly referred to as our ‘reality’,’beliefs’ or ‘values’. These are influenced by the customs or culture of our particular environment so that someone from a Christian community who chooses to live with a Muslim, for example, would find that the perception of individual behaviour, and resulting expectations of each other, would differ until each learns about the other. Initially, while the two parties try to come to terms with each other, it would be almost automatic for each to expect complete conformity to one another’s perception until a shared experience proves otherwise. Because our individual needs greatly determine the view we have of ourselves and the world, our views will always differ from one another.
Thus, if a person is hungry and poor, she is going to regard money in quite a different light from someone else who already has lots of it and uses it mainly for luxuries. The perception in each case regarding the value, usefulness and urgency of money would markedly differ. As Mick Jagger once said, “A person who is hungry is not going to worry about the morality of war. They would be too busy trying to get food.”
The capacity to define situations, to communicate, solve problems, make decisions and manage stress is thus affected by our perception. The power of such perception in any relationship, particularly where the partners know very little about each other, often make or break relationships. For example, men who have been wronged, especially those who caught their spouses in an act of betrayal, provide excellent examples of what personal perception is all about.
Men being betrayed
Men who have been betrayed in this way tend to have a singular ‘victim’ viewpoint of what happened. They continually blame the spouse (and later all women) without wanting to really find out why the partner might have behaved like that. They would never admit that they might be boring whingers, who are also lousy with sex or emotion, especially when people tend to seek what they lack elsewhere. They are likely to cite what a wonderful husband they were, who worked all hours in the day to keep their home intact while the hussy of a wife was disloyal.
But to many women, homemaking, no matter how good and luxurious, is just one aspect of a relationship. The physical, emotional and intellectual sides are all important to keep that union intact. Often it is sheer boredom, neglect and a lack of love, attention and affection why any partner strays. As Carl Jung says, “To be appreciated is one of the strongest basic human needs.” When a person is not valued, or perceives herself to be unappreciated, no matter how worthy the partner is, trouble is not far behind.
Men tend to see themselves in terms of career and material success, while women tend to judge their value on emotional, nurturing and physical attributes. So long as men believe that to be a good husband is to provide for material needs – to look after hearth, home and family – while women expect emotional and physical bonding, there will be a conflict of perception between the sexes, there will always be hurt through differing perceptions and they will always be at loggerheads about valuing each other.
What does your home mean to you? Is your relationship/marriage holding you back? Try our RELATIONSHIP QUIZ to test how you feel about your partnership. A bad relationship robs you of a life because it has a domino effect on everything else. Find out the state of yours now.
ELAINE SIHERA ( http://www.myspace.com/elaineone ) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment and Relationships Consultant. Confidential advice is available on the quiz site. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!”
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elaine_Sihera
http://EzineArticles.com/?Conflicting-Gender-Expectations-in-The-Home&id=620463
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Tags: Communication, confidence, gender, perception, Relationships, relevance, self esteem, stereotype, value
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